One week, but feels like a month

 January... it's been such a long year already. It is the longest month of the year. It definitely feels like it's been monthS long itself, and the shit just keeps piling on. 😮‍💨 We have had a packed week, I don't even know where to begin. And I honestly don't know if you reading this even really care to hear about it... But it is cathartic for me to get it out, so bare with me, or tune in next week. Maybe it will be better reading. I don't know. LOL. 

 

We had basketball 🏀 this past week, just like the week before and next week! The twins had a game on Tuesday and Thursday and we were missing one of our better players Tuesday. This made a difference in the team performance. And BOY did it make a difference on Sheamus' mentality. 😡 He is SO HARD on himself and let the other team get in his head, past the point of being able to talk any sense in to him. It was so frustrating, and we would have pulled him from the game altogether, however it would've only left 3 players to play the rest of a 3 on 3 game. We didn't think it was fair to do to their team. But LORD, it was a LOT. He overreacted and was overly emotional. It was bad. Thursday's game was much better, with a lot less reaction, but they were winning so he didn't have much to be upset about. We explained to him that there is a HUGE difference in being competitive and aggressive and acting completely irrational. We also reminded him that if he cannot control himself and his emotions in time, he will not play organized sports. Of all 5 boys, he is the most competitive, the most emotional and the hardest to reign in when he is in that mindset. We are open and looking for tips and strategies on how to get him to regain composure himself, trying to get him to breathe, to remind himself that it's just a game and that it isn't THAT serious. But to him, especially when he and his classmates talk smack to each other so much at school, it means EVERYTHING. It's going to make for an interesting next 9 years. And in the meantime, Magnus was just happy to be there, got fouled when trying to make a shot, and made one of his foul shots. He walked off, slapped the chair in excitement and was content being on the bench the rest of the game. Again, they are SO opposite in every way possible. 

Our oldest had a really eventful week at college, with one thing happening after another and not in the best ways. We are learning to navigate it together and taking life's lumps one day at a time, but LORD. When he calls needing me from 3 hours away and I can't jump in the car and go to him is the worst feeling. 😩 I know he hears my frustration, in the situation, and takes it as me being mad at him. It's just so hard to balance it all. It's like when one needs you, 2 more need you at that exact same time. Here's to a better week for him, and that we get some kind of reprieve on the BS. 🙏🏻

Dry had a wrestling meet on Wednesday. 🤼‍♀️ I didn't get to go because Boop stayed home sick from school that day so I stayed back with him. He won his first match by pin in about 18 seconds. His second match was not won as easy, requiring him to go all 3 rounds, pulling it out with a pin in the end. It was so close at that point and you could tell how tired they both were but he persevered and did the damn thing. If I was there, I would've been WOOOOOOing all over the place. (Ryan calls me a WOO girl. LOL) We are so proud of him. 

And Boop had a game yesterday. He had a nice little Saturday, partying with us for the twins and then at 3:00 for one friend, leaving there to party with another for the rest of the night. I couldn't help but be touched by the fact that he is such a good kid that he was invited so many places. It is heart warming to know he is loved by others as much as we love him. 💙

I found myself in a weird place, mentally, Saturday morning. I tossed and turned early, knowing that I couldn't sleep in because I had things I needed to do. When that happens, I am always afraid I am going to sleep in, so I wake up way before I need to. I made myself lay down a little longer but was up and in the tub by 6:30. I got myself dressed, hair and makeup done, out the door and in the store by 8:00a. I grabbed what I needed from our local store (they had better prices on a few things) and then headed to Walmart. There is where I felt like the week's events hit me all at once, Like I could've burst into tears at the drop of a hat. I truly think that, if the right song would've come on in the car or overhead at the store, I would've been THAT girl, sobbing, not knowing exactly why or being able to pinpoint it. I know that I was tired but couldn't sleep, we had a full day ahead of us and I had to get it all done. I felt like a failure in some aspects of our lives, walking around aimlessly but remembering why I was there and getting back on track. Letting the emotions of the week weigh on me, the trials and the lemons thrown affecting my mood and my psyche and everything in between. Worry for the birthday party ahead; did we do enough for the twins, do we have enough food, will someone's feelings be hurt because they weren't invited? I asked them last night if they had a good birthday weekend and they both enthusiastically said yes! So why do I take things so hard?

Why do I do it to myself? Things are going to happen, there will always be bumps in the road, especially with kids at different chapters in their lives. Why can't I accept that this is how things will be and to relish and enjoy it more than stress or try to change it? Why can't I be consistently happy with the trajectory of our lives and that we are all healthy, happy and thriving? I made the President's List in college last semester for God's sake! (4.0 GPA). Why can't I enjoy the ride and take things as they come rather than waiting for things to happen and wanted them to hurry up and get here already. Always looking for another thing to make me happy or making me feel accomplished in life. And the state of this economy is NOT helping. A LOT of us are struggling, with no end in sight. WHEN WILL WE CATCH A FRIGGIN' BREAK?! And these feelings come in waves, which is even worse. One day I'll wake up and feel like the baddest bitch, knowing I can handle anything life throws my way and that I can balance the world, having a great day with parenting and kids listening and such. And then I have days like Saturday when I want to hole up in my bed and wallow, fretting over all of the things that aren't and should be, comparing myself to others in ALL the ways (looks, parenting, success, etc.) God help my husband, on the receiving end of it all. 🩷

Ah well... enough of all that. I have work to do, assignments to complete, dinners to make, minds to mold and boys to love. I'll be aight. Life happens. it's all in how we adapt and proceed. And no matter what, with 5 boys and a husband, there's always pee on the seat. 😏